these emotions are building up so badly, i honestly feel fine when im alone. i though i was back to the norm, happy and dandy with my 'fuck off im jade deal with it' attitude. but even in the day when im alright on the outside, i've been faced with haunting dreams that leave me staring at the ceiling and fresh tears on my face.
so what the fuck was i playing around here?
was my happiness all the make believe play for some unresolved built up and pent up emotions?
and now i can just see that, my life is boring and mediocre...even after 3 years of believing that i played my life card all swell and dandy...i'm still going to be alone, lost and messed up without an outlet to just ask my questions of
"why?"
"why?"
"why?"
yep this is just another sad sad moment in my life for me i guess...can't believe that i had that ever had such a sad dream of my grandad apparently being dead and when i walked through the door to ask my dad about where my grandad was...they told me
"oh he died, didn't you know?"
and then it turned to an angry hot flash of rage that made me wake up both crying and wanting to just call my family to check up but i know that i don't even have anyone in my own family who would pick up my phone calls. cause in all honesty...i would be dead and no one would know till they call me. thus the question about my importance in life, i mean everyone could say the same but its just kind of sad when they do want to say
"it's not bad, their worse things that could happen in your life"
that love,
that amore, cinta, ai and all that bullcrap that families are meant to have with at least with someone in that family is so overrated and just not there anymore...
its always just going to be you vs. the world, that's the truth so stuff it and just hit the bottles of booze. i proberly need to re-evaluate myself, but its okay i'm used to it. just venting it out this way is best enough for me...
the end for me now folks, no worries im alive still =)
Friday, June 12, 2009
Thursday, June 11, 2009
what a brain raping day, plus me getting bent over by work!
how i've never anticipated so much and honestly it was terrible of me to lose my temper at the following people this morning...
the 232 bus driver, sorry for yelling at you when you did apologized for the delay!
little brats from the English language school from wherever your from...your still idiotic brats who could at least fucking move! common sense needs no logic or language!
the person who sat next to me on the bus, sorry for wacking you on the head.
the multiple drivers when i bolted across the highway and you had to honk my ass off the road, oppss?
and after all that effort i was late just by a beautiful 15 minutes, and after all that...
no one did warn me that when i would pass those doors for my managing financial operations exam (MFO for short) that i would be officially getting one of hell of a brain rape session, their should have been a sign at the door to warn me dammit!
but where the hell were these warning signs for poor jadey's brain?!...nowhere... and so my poor brain proceeded to get screwed unpleasantly against its will...poor baby got screwed so bad it was like getting the worse sex you can possibly imagine and all it did was hurt you, bend you over and stuck it right in without any warning.
since it was against my brain's will to get fucked over by that exam, would it sound logical and possible to call the cops and claim:
"Hi...im here to report that my brain, was raped at 9.30 in the TAFESA Regency Campus in Room B235, the suspect was white, 25 pages old and A4 size in height. He took my brain against its will and forced my brain to be bent over the table and get fucked hard for 3 hours, please help me..."
sighhhhh, what a fucked fucked fucked up moment! heheheh, and after that i went to have some fatty theraphy, a.k.a one medium fries, coke and a delish chicken classic burgers from mac donalds and i got the most fabulous thing!
the 232 bus driver, sorry for yelling at you when you did apologized for the delay!
little brats from the English language school from wherever your from...your still idiotic brats who could at least fucking move! common sense needs no logic or language!
the person who sat next to me on the bus, sorry for wacking you on the head.
the multiple drivers when i bolted across the highway and you had to honk my ass off the road, oppss?
and after all that effort i was late just by a beautiful 15 minutes, and after all that...
no one did warn me that when i would pass those doors for my managing financial operations exam (MFO for short) that i would be officially getting one of hell of a brain rape session, their should have been a sign at the door to warn me dammit!
something like this maybe??
but where the hell were these warning signs for poor jadey's brain?!...nowhere... and so my poor brain proceeded to get screwed unpleasantly against its will...poor baby got screwed so bad it was like getting the worse sex you can possibly imagine and all it did was hurt you, bend you over and stuck it right in without any warning.
since it was against my brain's will to get fucked over by that exam, would it sound logical and possible to call the cops and claim:
"Hi...im here to report that my brain, was raped at 9.30 in the TAFESA Regency Campus in Room B235, the suspect was white, 25 pages old and A4 size in height. He took my brain against its will and forced my brain to be bent over the table and get fucked hard for 3 hours, please help me..."
sighhhhh, what a fucked fucked fucked up moment! heheheh, and after that i went to have some fatty theraphy, a.k.a one medium fries, coke and a delish chicken classic burgers from mac donalds and i got the most fabulous thing!
MY MINI MONOPOLY SET! ssssssssssssssssssooooooooooooooooo uber adorable!
hahaha, only in aussie do they have absolutely cool stuff like board games and not those cheap and lame ass looking figures from Malaysia Mc' D lol! this lil board games only cost a dollar with your meal, so its reli a deal!
so after gettig fucked in the moring, food theraphy in the noon... i went off to work to give the customers my lovely smile and fabulous sevice...but i was just mainly on auto pilot hahahha, made a few mistakes and i got complimented by the owner of the restaurant i work at. happy happy joy joy =)
nothing beats after a hard work session though, cause after 4 hours of standing up my legs felt uttely fucked up! and i cant believe i had to stand for so long in the cold for my bus home...
so after gettig fucked in the moring, food theraphy in the noon... i went off to work to give the customers my lovely smile and fabulous sevice...but i was just mainly on auto pilot hahahha, made a few mistakes and i got complimented by the owner of the restaurant i work at. happy happy joy joy =)
nothing beats after a hard work session though, cause after 4 hours of standing up my legs felt uttely fucked up! and i cant believe i had to stand for so long in the cold for my bus home...
but otherwise it was all good!
peace out loves!~
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
don't you just feel like shutting the fuck up?
honestly today has just got to be one of the days where i just need to look in the damn mirror the first fucking thing in the morning and just say:
"shut the fuck up and keep your damn opinions to yourself..."
seriously, i need the whole big arse sign in front of me or something...
"yep, i need the terminator to remind me, should get this blown up to A2 and stick it on the walls."
and this is always something i find and feel that the honest to god truth is, i would rather get beaten up by kids with lead pipes on the way home (which i see will very well damn happen soon enough)
=)
as someone said before i have no clue who they were but that person must have had some sense in realizing the greatest truth we all learn from properly day one the moment besides learning how to talk, is to form our own opinions and argue back. In other words, our own sense of legal codes. almost sort of our own little law we have in the back of our heads, that i feel in my case the entire courtroom, judge and jury in my brain that is meant to do some wise ass decision making that would stop me from being more of a bitch that i am, are probably drunk and dancing half-naked around there.
words, especially the wrong ones that hurt your loved,nearest and dearest friends and lovers are like the slow, painful and fucked up poison that would effect you for a lifetime worth of guilt...i'll honestly take any snake and spider to take a bite at me and die faster without that unbearable guilt. cause honestly i love you guys too much! xoxo your honestly going to be the death of me (you all know who you are)...besides maybe early diabetes or a cardiac arrest.
and yes right now i should be studying for my fucking finance exam, which i only had two days to study for which she finally gave us the topics to study for...but does it help that she only gave it to us so late will all our other crap due on friday???
...nope, oh well i'll get ready to study for my re-sits =P
sayonara world and people, hope you enjoyed my bitching that was utterly random ass!
"shut the fuck up and keep your damn opinions to yourself..."
seriously, i need the whole big arse sign in front of me or something...
"yep, i need the terminator to remind me, should get this blown up to A2 and stick it on the walls." and this is always something i find and feel that the honest to god truth is, i would rather get beaten up by kids with lead pipes on the way home (which i see will very well damn happen soon enough)
=)
as someone said before i have no clue who they were but that person must have had some sense in realizing the greatest truth we all learn from properly day one the moment besides learning how to talk, is to form our own opinions and argue back. In other words, our own sense of legal codes. almost sort of our own little law we have in the back of our heads, that i feel in my case the entire courtroom, judge and jury in my brain that is meant to do some wise ass decision making that would stop me from being more of a bitch that i am, are probably drunk and dancing half-naked around there.
thus, control your drinking guys!
cause what we drink effects those little people in our brains that tell you to think twice! and words are the worse poison we have, screw the snakes and spiders with their oh so deadly poisons...pfft at least its fast and quick!words, especially the wrong ones that hurt your loved,nearest and dearest friends and lovers are like the slow, painful and fucked up poison that would effect you for a lifetime worth of guilt...i'll honestly take any snake and spider to take a bite at me and die faster without that unbearable guilt. cause honestly i love you guys too much! xoxo your honestly going to be the death of me (you all know who you are)...besides maybe early diabetes or a cardiac arrest.
and yes right now i should be studying for my fucking finance exam, which i only had two days to study for which she finally gave us the topics to study for...but does it help that she only gave it to us so late will all our other crap due on friday???
...nope, oh well i'll get ready to study for my re-sits =P
sayonara world and people, hope you enjoyed my bitching that was utterly random ass!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
i'm such a bum!
oh wow wow wee wow, i can't remember cooking already. i have barely left my room to walk up to the kitchen to actually do some decent cooking ey!
all i've been doing is having toast and soup and...that's it! never before have i just been so lazy. im surprised i can still walk around. my legs are sore and achy for tonite after work! and feeling old old old...
and believe it or not i finished a lovely big bag of tae koi noi seaweed, in a matter of 0.5 minutes!(by using minutes i sound less like a pig, coz i know that it should be in seconds) hahahha, yummy yummy tom yum flavoured and it wasen't too pricey got it from the big asian market that i practically bum around in front of the bus stop opposite my campus heh...
and for tomorrow im going to go out and being the insane bitch i am normally may just end up with like massive bags full of seaweed for me and elaine heheheh...we're so lazy recently but oh well! we will be active in cooking soon enough and i need to get down to making my curry!
sexy sexy curry yummy! i will have you soon at the end of this week...
im kinda missing home food and being active and all...with going out and whatever i did back in kuching hahahah =)
peace out y'all
all i've been doing is having toast and soup and...that's it! never before have i just been so lazy. im surprised i can still walk around. my legs are sore and achy for tonite after work! and feeling old old old...
and believe it or not i finished a lovely big bag of tae koi noi seaweed, in a matter of 0.5 minutes!(by using minutes i sound less like a pig, coz i know that it should be in seconds) hahahha, yummy yummy tom yum flavoured and it wasen't too pricey got it from the big asian market that i practically bum around in front of the bus stop opposite my campus heh...
and for tomorrow im going to go out and being the insane bitch i am normally may just end up with like massive bags full of seaweed for me and elaine heheheh...we're so lazy recently but oh well! we will be active in cooking soon enough and i need to get down to making my curry!
sexy sexy curry yummy! i will have you soon at the end of this week...
im kinda missing home food and being active and all...with going out and whatever i did back in kuching hahahah =)
peace out y'all
Monday, June 8, 2009
finally, another post for me be proud! plus the LATEST NEWS!
ah yes i have finally set my self to getting down to blogging about the random jazz and other fecked up topics i want to set out to just announce besides on my facebook, msn nickname and messages...
hahahah. yes sadly just another way for you guys to know that i am being strange and odd.
now just a re-cap for the most interesting events in our world that affect me so dearly is...
THE SWINE FLU, our latest H1N15 from some dude and some animal possibly having sexy time (as if we don't have enough people, blow up dolls, fuck buddy and prostitute options around), honestly you just have to start to wonder how all these diseases and all come about.
this lil one may have started this...damn you!
i had this discussion with the lovely elaine not too long ago about this, which from the swine we went on to the most infamous and dangerous virus that we all know and would definably hate to have:
*drumroll*
now this is the fucked up one, this originally used to be a virus found among the primates in the African region...but then sadly some either very "smart" or "HORNY" fellow decided to have a lovely exchange of bodily fluids from whateverthehellthey did but we all say he had butt sex with said primate species and BAM the human species now have the lovely chances of having AIDS if you do not use a condom, from your parents genetically, wives,husbands,mistresses,fuck buddies and etc.
then me and elaine proceeded to have a conversation on this till we also reached beastiality...
now i know not everyone might know this but beastiality refers to the insane and god-knows WHY attraction of humans and animals...in the sexual sense of having sex with said animal, and yes it does give the new term and image to literally doing it doggy style.
so yes, sadly now this fabulous new H1N15 version from the former Avian/Bird Flu has now reached an almost global pandemic especially in the big floating island of Australia that i'm on, so far the worse off is Melbourne with over 500 or 600+ cases that they basically gave up on the quarantine over there, here in Adelaide our current count is 14 with just 2 new cases comfirmed today...
Great...FABULOUS...guh...anyway i shall end it now before i rant to much but let's all hope that jadey can win her other battle with...GETTING A CAR! LOL...and yea maybe graduating from my course or else taking a bullet and killing myself =)
loves.....!
hahahah. yes sadly just another way for you guys to know that i am being strange and odd.
now just a re-cap for the most interesting events in our world that affect me so dearly is...
THE SWINE FLU, our latest H1N15 from some dude and some animal possibly having sexy time (as if we don't have enough people, blow up dolls, fuck buddy and prostitute options around), honestly you just have to start to wonder how all these diseases and all come about.
this lil one may have started this...damn you!
i had this discussion with the lovely elaine not too long ago about this, which from the swine we went on to the most infamous and dangerous virus that we all know and would definably hate to have:
*drumroll*
AIDS.
now this is the fucked up one, this originally used to be a virus found among the primates in the African region...but then sadly some either very "smart" or "HORNY" fellow decided to have a lovely exchange of bodily fluids from whateverthehellthey did but we all say he had butt sex with said primate species and BAM the human species now have the lovely chances of having AIDS if you do not use a condom, from your parents genetically, wives,husbands,mistresses,fuck buddies and etc.
then me and elaine proceeded to have a conversation on this till we also reached beastiality...
now i know not everyone might know this but beastiality refers to the insane and god-knows WHY attraction of humans and animals...in the sexual sense of having sex with said animal, and yes it does give the new term and image to literally doing it doggy style.
so yes, sadly now this fabulous new H1N15 version from the former Avian/Bird Flu has now reached an almost global pandemic especially in the big floating island of Australia that i'm on, so far the worse off is Melbourne with over 500 or 600+ cases that they basically gave up on the quarantine over there, here in Adelaide our current count is 14 with just 2 new cases comfirmed today...
Great...FABULOUS...guh...anyway i shall end it now before i rant to much but let's all hope that jadey can win her other battle with...GETTING A CAR! LOL...and yea maybe graduating from my course or else taking a bullet and killing myself =)
loves.....!
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